Okay so maybe I haven’t been the most productive I could be. I don’t have reasons to offer; just excuses. Well, not even those. Between you and me, when too much stress piles on, I just shut down.
But when I’m staring that deadline in the face, it’s a defibrillator to the face.
My deadline isn’t so close that I can count the freckles across its pert little nose, but I can hear it coming a mile away like an approaching freight train carrying the weight of my career.*
I have exactly two weeks left.
My existence right now comprises mostly of me alternating between internally screaming and taking yoga breaths.
Since last checking in, I’ve written exactly two more pages. (IN A WEEK. TWO PAGES IN SEVEN DAYS WHAT EVEN?–okay, yoga breaths. Deep breaths.)
Last night, however, I did write the first four (pretty damn decent) pages of the 10-page story I have to submit by November 2 for my next residency (in January, where we’ll sit around in groups and critique these stories.) It’s about a girl who was drowned in the ocean and became a mermaid and the girl who helps her try to find her murderer.
Tomorrow, the goal is at least three more pages. Also tomorrow, a dear friend from work is going to help me tackle my plot so I can write
the greatest labor ever put on the shoulders of a writer my synopsis.
So here’s my plan for the next week.
Say it with me: manageable tasks.
I’m going to tackle the two 700-word assignments so they are out of the way, not gunking up the works. With those two out of the way, the only things I have to worry about are the next twenty-five pages of my story and the two to five pages that say what’s going to happen in my story. That’s it.
And make the conscious decision to write every day, at least a page.
This isn’t about doing battle. This is about choosing to put another stepping stone in the path to the career I want to have. No one is forcing me to do anything.
This next week, I’m going to change my vocabulary to replace “I have to” with “I choose to.” Because I made the choice to get an MFA. It was an informed choice; it has a clear end goal. These assignments are a part of that, and I should take advantage of this opportunity to grow while I have it.
In reading news
I finished The Gone World by Tom Sweterlitsch. SCARED. THE. CRAP. OUTTA. ME. I physically cringed several times throughout the book. If you’re a sci-fi fan who loves time travel and doesn’t mind graphic violence and gore, definitely check this book out. To me, it was the book version of that long flat note they play in the background of ghost shows.
In other news
I’m trying to learn this Disney medley on the piano. Just goes to show how long it’s been since I’ve challenged myself on the piano and fallen into the comfortable groove of the styles of just a few (*cough*one*cough*) artists. It’s taking me forever to get this down. Which is fine. There’s no deadline here. So far, I’m semi-comfortable playing the first section (Go the Distance from Hercules) and today I worked on the next one (Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid). The part I’m really looking forward to is Zero to Hero from Hercules, about halfway through the song.
How’s your week going?
* alright so it isn’t THAT big a deal, but that doesn’t seem to matter to my stress levels, which are determined to churn out anxiety at the highest rate of production as possible
Currently playing: Beautiful by Bazzi
Currently reading: All the Birds in the Sky by Charlie Jane Anders